These days we have new style of parenting that is disturbing up child, impeding their chances to develop into their true selves. A section of parents feel a child cannot be successful unless the parent is protecting and preventing at every turn, hovering over every happening and micro managing their lives at every moment, and steering their children towards some subset of schools.
When we raise a child this way our children end up leading a kind of check listed childhood. We keep them safe and sound, fed and watered. We make sure that they go to the right schools and that they are in the right classes at the right school, and they get the right grades in the right classes in the right schools. Not just the grades and scores we expect them to get rewards and accolades.
We expect our children to perform at a level of perfection even we parents were never asked to perform to that perfection by our parents. Since so much is expected we parents might argue with every teacher, principal and acts like our child’s concierge and personal handler. We keep consoling, nagging and helping our children just to make sure that they don’t go in wrong direction in their future and get admission in the best college which almost rejects every applicant.
How does a child feel to be in the check listed childhood?
Children have no time left for playing and doing what they truly want to do. These days there are no afternoon naps after coming from school. It is like every exam, every quiz is a make-or-break moment for the future we have in mind for them. Every time we want them to jump a little higher and soar a little farther. So much mental pressure by parents lead to depression and anxiety among children.
As a parent our job is to provide them a nourishing environment, to strengthen them through chores. Childhood needs to teach our children how to love, and they can’t love others if they don’t first love themselves, and they won’t love themselves if we can’t offer them unconditional love. When our precious offspring come home from school or we come home from work, we need to close our technology, put away our phones, look them in the eye and let them see the joy that fills our faces when we see our child. Then, we have to say, ‘How was your day? What did you like about today?’ They need to know they matter to us as humans, not because of their grades. Children who plan their own goals, set weekly schedules and evaluate their own work build up their frontal cortex and take more control over their lives. We must let our children succeed on their own terms, and yes, on occasion, fail on their own terms.
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